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Hindi SMS Jokes

Only a Man understands another Man..

Customer: I want to buy a Ladies Watch

Shopkeeper: Sir, wife ke liye chahiye ya Branded dikhaun.
Chuhiya ped (tree) pe chadi to

Bandar ne pucha- upar kyon aayi?

Chuhiya – Apple khaane

Bandar – ye to aam ka ped hai.
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Chuhiya – Tu zyada chaudhary mat ban,
Apple saath me laayi hu……..!
Kabi pasand na aye mera Msg To bta dena

Hum dil pe pthar rakh k Tumhe goli mar dnge
(,”)__;=-
/) )
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Thaaen
Thaaen
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Seene me dil,
dil me drd,
drd me yakin,
yakin me khayal,
khayal me khawab,
khawab me tasvir,
tasvir me sirf aap!!

itna darawna khawab?
bap re bap.
A man writing in his diary:
Shaadi se pehle bhagwaan se duaa maangi thi ki achha PAKANE wali biwi dena.
Saala, ‘khana’ mention karna hi bhool gaya!
Ek bachcha, Boy girl ko
kiss
karte
hue dekh leta hai.
Bacha: mujhe bhi karne do
warna main apke papa ko
bata dunga.
Ladki- Le yar tu bhi karle,…

Bacha kafi try karta hai,
par wo height me kam reh
jata hai,
Baccha pareshan ho kar
“Bhaad me gayi
duniyadari”
jo kam galat hai, vo galat
hai…
Main to bataunga….
Hitler says,
“There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary”
Man says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? “Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na”
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Ek Machar perasaan baitha tha.
2sre ne pucha kiya hua?
1st-yaar gajab ho rha hai.
Chuhedani me chuha,
Sabundani me sabun,
Mgar macchardani me admi so rha hai.
Khushi ko Gum kaise kah De,
Aapki Dosti ko kam kaise kah De,
Ye To sab kehte Hai ki Aap Pagal Ho,
Lekin sach Main Ho Ye Hum kaise kah De.
Hame malum hai ki aap hame bhula nahi sakte,
Lekin paas bhi hamare aa nahi sakte,
Yahan tak aa rahi hai tere BADAN ki BADBU….
Please yaar kya tum NAHA NAHISAKTE!
Student to God: Hazaaro ki Kismat tere haath thi
Agar pass kar deta to kya baat thi
God: Girlfriend thodi kam banata to kya baat thi
Kitaabe to saari tere paas thi !!..
Tumne mujhe rulaya tha!!!
Maine tumhe bhulaya tha!!!
Dil me tumhe basaya tha!!
Gale se tumhe lagaya tha!!!
Lat mar ke bhagaya tha!!!
Pappa: Beti 12th ke baad kya karogi?
Beti: B.B.A.!!
Pappa: Are wah meri beti BBA karegi,
Lekin BBA hota kya hai?
Beti: Boy friend ki baho me Aaram…
mausam shabab ka,
nasha shrab ka,
parda janab ka,
or rung gulab ka,
in sabse haseen
in sabse lajwab dekho sms padne wala,
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Mendak talab ka.
Dur na jaaya karo dil tadap jaata hai.
Tere hi khayalon me din gujar jata hai.
Aaj pucha hai dil ne ek sawal tumse kya
dur rahker tumko bhi hamara khayal ata hai…
Man1 : Yaar aaj mein bus ke peeche peecha daudkar 15 rupees bacha liye.
Man2 : Kya yaar, tum to bahut murkh ho, agar taxi ke peeche bhagte to 150 rupees bachta!
Agar koi apse kahe ap
pagal gadhe
olu dhakn kahe
to ap nirash mat
hona or santi se bhathke
sochna sale ko pata kase chala…..
Man1 : Yaar meri biwi ghar chodkar bhag gaye.
Man2 : Tune usse pyaar se nahi rakha hoga.
Man1: Nahi yaar appni behan se bhi badkar rakha tha.
I WANT AT LEAST ONLY ONE NIGHT YOU BESTDE ME IN THE RESTAUR AND
AFTER ENJOY CANDLE NIGHT DINNER I WANT TO SAY THOSE BEAUTIFUL 3 WORDS
WHTCH I LOVED MOST TO SAY YOU…..
3 Dost Diwali Ke Baad Mile

1st :Mere Daddy 10,000 Ke Patake
Laaye,
Humne 3 Ghante Tak Bajaye,
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2nd: Mere Daddy 15,000 Ke
Pataake
Laaye Thhe,
Humne 4 Ghante Tak Bajaye,
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3rd: Daddy
Ghar Par Nahin Thhe…
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Toh Mera
Bhai 5000 Ka Sirf Ek
Pataaka Laaya Aur Saari Raat
Humne
Baari-Baari Bajayaa..
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jo samjha wo lyk karein
bakki log pogo par chota bhem
dekho…
A – apple
B – BALL
C – cat
D – dog
E – elephant
F – fish
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Ab niche kya dekh rahe ho age ata nahi to jake dub maro.
Jo Ladke Facebook Pe,
Girl Friend Banane Me,
Asafal Ho Jate Hai
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Wo
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Facebook Pe Ladkiyo Ki Profile
Bana Kr Boy Friend Banate Hai…
Man1 : Tumhari biwi ka kya naam hai?
Man2 : Google Kaur.
Man1 : Ye kaisa naam hai?
Man2 : Yaar mein jaha bhi hota hoon, wo mujhe dhoondh hi leti hai!
Science Teacher: Bachcho zinda rahne ke liye kya zaruri hai?
Student: itna bhi nahi pata mam?

Zinda rehne ke liye teri qasam..
ek mulaqat zaruri hai sanam.
‘preeto Girlfriend ko ghar le gaya
Sab darwaze
Khirkiyan
Band kardi
Light off kar ke
Uske pass aaya Aur bola: ?
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Ye
Dekho meri watch me light jalti hai’
Medical science proved ki
Kapre tight pehnney se Blood Circulation ruk jati hai.
But
Larkiyon ke kapre jitne tight ho,
Larko ke blood circulation utni tez hoti hai!!
Free Advice for Boys
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Ladki ki Pic par kabhi mat comment
karnaa ….
warna 3 Mahine tak notification
aayenge..!!
Teacher: Gaali kya hai?
Student: Krodh ke smay mukh se nikle ashudh shabdon ka samuh
Jinke uchcharan ke paschat Vyakti ke hriday Ko ShantiKa anubhv hota hai.
Girl; Tum Mere Liye Kya Kar Sakte Ho



Boy; Bolo Kya Karna Hai



Girl; Chand Todkr La Sakte Ho



Boy; Fir Eid Kya Tere Baap K takle Ko Dekhkar Manaenge…
Market me naya he fatafat send karo sabko”
Student in a Hostel(dost se): Yaar dhokha ho gaya.
Dost: Kyon kya hua?
Student: Maine papa se books ke liye paise mangawaye,
papa ne books hi bhej di.
Jaise bhagwan bina mandir adhura,
dosti bina jivan adhura,dhadkan bina dil
adhura,
vaise hi tumhare bina,
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Ham nahi re baba
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wo agra ka “PAGALKHANA” adhura hai.:-))
Man1: Ek baat batani hai, par please mujhe maroge to nahi.
Man2: Haan bolo.
Man1: Mein Pregnant hu.
Man2: It’s a gud News. Ess baat par kyu tumhe maru.
Man1: Shadi se pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
I PROUD MYSELF.BECAUSE I AM GARHWALI.
G:GREAT
A:ACTIVE
R:RELIABLE
H:HONEST
W:WONDERFULL
A:ADVANCED
L:LOVELY
I:INTELIGENT
MERI JANAM BHOOMI MERU PAHAD.GANGA JAMUNA YAKHI BADRI KEDAR.
Premika: Main maa banne wali hoon,
Premi: Kya bakwas kar rahi ho..
Premika: Bakwas nahi, main tumhare papa se shaadi
kar ke tumhari maa banne wali hoo.
Apne Sasur ka Dulara Hu Mai
Apni Biwi Ko Bhi Pyara Hu Mai
FiLhaal To Ye Sab Sapna He
Q Ki Abhi Tak Kuwara Hu Mai.
Bezzati: Beech Bazar




Boyfriend:- yr ye petrol fr se mehnga
ho gya…!!













Girlfriend:- Chahe jitna bhi mehnga
ho jaye tu
dalwaega 20 ka hi…!!
Arz kiya hai
Itne kamzor huye teri judai se,
Gaur farmaiye…
Itne kamzor huye teri judai se,
Ki ab machhar bhi kheench le jata hai charpai se 🙂
wah wah
Boss: Itne kam kapray pehan k q aai ho? Aadha jism dikh raha hai.
Girl: Itni salary mein yehi aata hai!
Boss: Manager, Iss ko 3 months tak salary mat dena
Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku?
Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!!
Mathematical joke:
(13×13×13)= ?
Think, Think deeply
Not getting??
Ans: SUROOR!
Tera(13) tera(13) tera(13)= SUROOR
Nurse : Mubarak ho aap ke ghar ladka paida hua hai.
Man : Wahh G wahh kya Ultra technology hai, Biwi meri hospital hai,
aur bacha mere ghar paida hua hai!!!
Sanskrit teacher asked: whats d meaning of ‘tamasoma jyotirgmaya’
studnt replies-“tum so jao ma main jyoti k ghar ja raha hu”
Socho Agar doctors film banate to title kya hota:

1. Kabhi khansi kabhi jukham
2. Kaho na bukhar hai
3. TB no. 1
4. Kal patient ho na ho
5. Hum blood de chuke sanam
Proposal of 4th class boy to 7th class girl.

Boy: I love u.

Girl: Stupid I am older than u

Boy: I am mad in your love,

Girl: Get lost

Boy: Didi plz.. set ho jao na…
Man 1: Agar nariyal ke ped pe chad jaun to..
engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jayegi
Man 2: Pir hath chod dena,
to medical college ki bhi dikh jayegi.
Man 1: Meri wife mujhe naukar samajhne lagi hai
batao main kya karun?

Man 2: Karna kya hai,
2-4 ghar aur pakad aur apna dhandha jama le.
PRINCIPAL: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya to
1st time 100 Rs,
2nd time 200 fine hoga.
MUNNA: Boley to monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu.
Man: Station jane ke kitne loge?
Ricksha wala: 50
Man: 20 le lo.
Ricksha wala: 20 mein kon le ke jayega.
Man: Tum peche betho hum le ke jayega..
Ek bar ek baccha class mein aane ko late ho gaya
Teacher gusse se: Kya tumhe period miss hone ka zara bhi ehsas nahi hai.
Ladka: Mam, bahut ehsas hai mujhe.
ek bar meri siste ne meri mom ko kaha ki mujhe period nahi aaye.
ye sun kar meri maa behosh ho gayi,
daddy ko heart attack ho gaya aur hairani ki baat hai hamara driver kaam chod ke baag gaya.
Man: Rasgulle hai?
DUKANDAAR: Nahi
Man: Dekh lunga
DUKANDAAR (Gusse me): Kya dekh loge?
Man: Dusri dukaan me jakar dekh loonga!
Teacher: Tum kahaan paida hue?
Student: Sir, Thiruvananthapuram main.
Teacher: Spelling bataao.
Student: Sir, ab mujhe lagta hai,
main GOA main paida hua tha!!
Man 1: Yaar ye bata is duniya me kitne desh hai
Man 2: Are pagal is duniya me ek hi to desh hai
Jiska naam india hai
baki to sab videsh hai.
Ek ladki apne boyfriend se park mein roz milne jati Wo roz time par pohonchti,
lekin ladka hamesha late aata Lekin ladki kabhi usse naraz nahi hoti,
Ek din ladki park mei nahi pohonchi,
Ladka gusse se uske ghar gaya Waha pata chala ki ladki ko blood cancer hai aur wo sirf 6 din jiyegi,
Ladka rote huye ghar aya aur sucide karne buildng ke 100th floor par gaya,
Aur ladki ke liye 1 letter chodda Usme likha tha..
Tum mera hamesha wait karti thi aur me roz
late ata tha lekin aaj main jaldi pohonch raha hu aur tumara wait karunga..
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Theek ussi wakt Shaktimaan waha se ja raha tha
Kya Shaktimaan usse bacha payega..?
Janne k liye dekhte rahiye SHAKTIMAAN 😉
Science Teacher: Bachcho zinda rahne ke liye kya zaruri hai?
Student: itna bhi nahi pata mam?

Zinda rehne ke liye teri qasam..
ek mulaqat zaruri hai sanam.
Teacher: Tumhare Papa Kya Karte Hai?
Mintu: Wo Sabke Such-Dukh Bantate Hai.
Teacher: Kya Matlab!
Mintu: Wo Postman Hai.